I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
