I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
