R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Quick, to the slutcave!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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