when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's the barista slut.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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