3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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