i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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