i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mom said you looked used
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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