I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
