alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
