And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
