Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
