I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
