It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
