Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
