i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
