I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
