under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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