it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The Olympian is in my bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
