It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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