don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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