Don't make out with my wife yet
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
