careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
