dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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