I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
