i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
