so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
