All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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