Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
