K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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