i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
