You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
