I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
