im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
