We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
