Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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