I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.