Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..