Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
