oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass