I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.