Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
where are you?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.