i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies