some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
