My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
