Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
