You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
