So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
