I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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