Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
