maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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