How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
