He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
