I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
bring money and cleavage
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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