im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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