how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
