Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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