Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
