McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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