Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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