y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
