Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
