There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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