She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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