i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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