i think my tv is drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
