His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
