apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
