piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
