2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
