i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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