There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
