What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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