the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
