Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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