I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
