i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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