Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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